Consumer Protection Gifts

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

B.B.C. Watchdog

"Great news! All of those bill collectors stopped hounding me - the hacker who stole my identity is being hounded by them now."

'Your TV is programmed to expire in thirteen months. Do you want to opt for the extended warranty?'

Hadley K., All-Day Sucker.

Being a federal regulator stinks. I'm supposed to police false advertising claims and keep consumers safe. But I have no resources and I'm decried as a bumbling, interfering government bureaucrat. Try our new anti-aging tea. It includes nutrients taken from the local soil proven to reduce stress, cure all disease and heal broken hearts. I'll take two, and the list of side effects in the fine print. Doesn't work. Can cause death.

"I know. What if you cash my ticket and we share the money. But maybe you can give me a deposit to show you're honest."

"If you look closely you'll see that your three year guarantee only applies to the years 1968 to 1971."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

'All these new regulations will totally alter the way we screw the consumer.'

"He's refusing to pay the inflationary bits"

Big oil.

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

Contaminated eggs? No problem at all!

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

"Since I'm not poor like you, I can afford to have scruples. . . I would never buy cheap clothes made with child labour."

Malls admit to using cell phones to track shoppers.

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

Driving a Lemon.

'Which' Consumer Testing Whiskies

"Invasion of privacy? You should be flattered we're so concerned about satisfying your consumer desires!"

While we watched the Trump circus... In the middle of the night the GOP controlled Congress took away your right to hold the big banks accountable when they rip you off!

Roseanne4

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"