Consumer Products Gifts

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

Our Fine Family of Products.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'Better buy one now - before they make them too big to fit into your house.'

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

'Yes, the wood on this pencil is from a renewable source.'

Biodegradable helium balloons.

"So we all love Cuddly Poo, but to cover ourselves, better run it by day care."

"I upgrade then it's obsolete and I have to upgrade again! As soon as I upgrade I have to upgrade again! Upgrade! Upgrade!! Always upgrade!!"

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

The Lesser Pyramids

"Which free tote goes best?"

"What is it going to be, a breakfast or shampoo?"

"It's powered by clean hydroelectricity from Norwegian fjords and built from 100% recycled shopping bags. We call it the Smugmobile!"

"And this is the ultimate in low-flush toilets!"

My incredible dedicated pet monkey. You've waited in line for a week at Computer Villa. Computer Villa parking lot. Now I have my new Ybox game console. I am complete man. I am whole. The new Playstation comes out this fall. I am empty and wanting. Form a new line to the left!

'Everything here is organic, free range, naturally produced, locally sourced, pesticide free, minimally packaged and fairly traded - and yet, ironically, I am a complete bastard.'

'In our advanced technology course, we teach you how to use the latest in consumer products no matter how fast they come out.'

'...And now it's time for today's celebrity hissy-fit....'

"I've managed to get hold of one of those 'all for one ad one for all' remote controls."

B.B.C. Watchdog

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

Conspicuous Nonconsumption.

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

Grub-skewer sandals.

'No dear, don't worry. It isn't recycled from old toilet tissue.'

Capitalism Comes to China

Line up for the latest thing! Buy it now!

Colin liked to keep up with all the very latest technologies

"Hi! I'm Carl, from Amazon fulfillment. Would you mind telling us how you feel about your online shopping experience?"

"Great news! All of those bill collectors stopped hounding me - the hacker who stole my identity is being hounded by them now."