Consumer Services Gifts

"That was downright creepy. I called customer service, and I got a real human."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

Made in China

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

Direct Marketing...

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Amazon's new A.I. just 'gets' me."

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'