Consumer Analyst Gifts

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Everything's gone up."

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

The economy doctor

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Advertising man saying to woman - 'Be careful. It's a real jingle out there.'

"After seeing the benefits of web analytics, Amy hoped to learn something by attaching cookies to customers who visited her store."

"Well SOME people might see it as buying a load of useless, overpriced rubbish but I see it as a brave attempt on my part to support a flagging retail sector."

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"Any one of these will make the company even richer."

"Wait, Daddy! I'm that window’s target audience!"

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

'Today's consumer has new priorities, and it's our job to tell them what those priorities are...'

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

Man is target

Welcome to Stupidity Night, Pay Full Price and Get In Free.

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

"It reminds me of the very first ad that ever swayed me into buying something I didn't really want."

Nothing Personal: Gifts for your business adversaries.

"I have to take it back to the shop and throw it away."

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Retail therapy graph.

None of those Products 'Changed My Life'

The Jeff Bezos Conspiracy

"Thank YOU Amazon!"