Consumer Critic Gifts

'I'd like a newspaper with no car, house or mobile phone adverts in it.'

The economy doctor

"Thank YOU Amazon!"

Pardon me, sir, do you know how you're being lied to today? Not before my coffee. That's not coffee. Huh? It's watered-down coffee mixed with red dye made of crushed beetles, to make it appear richer. You're drinking beetle juice! I feel like streaming a movie, for some reason.

'The box was empty except for this cuckoo egg.' (Customer returning eggbox).

The True Meaning Of Shopping.

Welcome to Stupidity Night, Pay Full Price and Get In Free.

"Your mom's not protesting sex and violence on TV...she's taking a stand against those early Christmas ads..."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Made in China

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

Sign Reform

Woman thinking about luxuries.

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

"This is a big seller, and we get them cheap...from China."

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"Do you have pants in XL?"

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

Payback Time

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

Privacy Stops Where the Parking Lot Begins

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Too Much Plastic.

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'