Consumer Behavior Analysts Gifts

The New Normal? Factory Firect Bath Tissue: Now by the sheet

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'Turn we women loose in the malls - that'll stimulate the economy.'

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"Zero to 60 in 4 seconds. Think of it! You'll be the fastest guy to the next red light!"

"Well SOME people might see it as buying a load of useless, overpriced rubbish but I see it as a brave attempt on my part to support a flagging retail sector."

"People are crazy."

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"Now that we know what the consumers want, it's our job to make them think that we have it."

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

"I need one of them and one of them..."

'Don't say I didn't warn you. The rising tide of consumer indifference is finally catching up with us.'

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

"Dr. Jeckyl and... Mr. Internet"