Consumer Insights Analyst Gifts

"For our market research, each package needs to be individually marked off and put over there."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Advertising man saying to woman - 'Be careful. It's a real jingle out there.'

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"We can't make the perfect product, but with a little luck and a lotta data, we can make the perfect customer."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

Art Guidelines

"Any one of these will make the company even richer."

"Wait, Daddy! I'm that window’s target audience!"

"Give me insights on marketing to your age demographic...and I'll give you a bright shiny penny."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

The competition's customer vs our customer.

'I am stunned by the sophistication of our consumer research.'

Man is target

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

"I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest." "Very good, little buddy." "I see you've read chapter 7 of 'Randy "the Rock" Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect'." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." "I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper." "I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed."

"Any new proposals?"

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

"It reminds me of the very first ad that ever swayed me into buying something I didn't really want."

"I have to take it back to the shop and throw it away."

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

Niche marketing: House of crap - Sale - 50% off.

None of those Products 'Changed My Life'

Consumerism junkie.

"Hi there, Consumer 275/B. I am your personal surveillance satellite - here for your safety and security. . . What can I do for you today. . ?"

This Week-New And Improved

"I never zap through commercials. It's the only time I have to do my homework."

The New Normal? Factory Firect Bath Tissue: Now by the sheet