Construction Comic Relief Pillows

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

Soup of the Day.

You Are Here

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'