Consistent Behavior Gifts

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Why do they do that?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

Santa Claus's Mail

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Romantic Giraffes

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Dog Nightmares

Bears catching fish

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'