Considering Adoption Gifts

As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for … I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable

'Instead of children, maybe we could adopt a HIGHWAY.'

"But when we logged-on to your website, we naturally assumed that we'd be adopting a virtual orphan."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"Pick me!"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'Ahhh...'

Licensed Therapist

'The child is very illogical'

Dog Dreams

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A man and his dog

Foster failure

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

Raised by Dogs

"He's such a fussy eater."

"Be kind"

"Sarah has two mommies and both of them are good cooks."

Super hero dog.

Brad Pitt

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'I demand a DNA test.'

'I found him on the internet.'

'Brrr - It is cold out, isn't it fella!?!'