Conservative Talk Radio Fan Gifts

Eclipse.

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Well I think the Real question is..."

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

Books recommended by Oprah and Howard Stern.

Retired Talk Show Host.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

'So...you claim Farmer Jones kept you locked up naked in a dirty sty, fed nothing but garbage and repetitively called you a filthy swine!'

As a doctor I can only tell you that the jury is still out as regards the benefits of cannabis in a medical context,however it is my personal opinion that this particular sample would make one bitchin spliff.

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry. What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance? Simple solution: send your mother to Japan where their entire culture reveres the elderly. Sayonara, grandma!!! Are you sure that's not a just a stereotype? Who cares?!

I think I may have a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality, Dr. Kapuchnik. I'd say you're more like Dr. Demento and Mr. Potato Head, Al.

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

Rush Limbaugh, Balloon Boy.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Fed up in Flint," you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. I bought a dirt-cheap house in Flint, hoping to rent it out. I had it renovated, and then the day before our open-house, someone broke in and stole all our plumbing. So what?! In my day, nobody had plumbing! We did our business in a ditch down by the river and we were glad about it! List it as "vintage Americana" and quit yer complainin'! But they took the roof, too. In my day, a roof

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Kenosha. What's your problem?! I'm a grad student pursuing my PhD. in robotics. Under the recent tax plan that passed the House, I'd have to count my tuition waiver as income, even though I never received any actual money. This would put me in a higher tax bracket and I'd have to drop out because I could never afford to pay those taxes. Good riddance, Poindexter. Science is nothing but gobbledygook anyway. Studies have shown that's not the case.

Months ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, I think you should laugh, love, and go with the flow - and do that with gusto! Don't sweat the small stuff. Kiss all the girls. Boys or whichever you prefer, but remember to laugh. - Bob. Pervert! If we allow laughing, then we'll have to allow cackling. Maybe even guffawing. I refuse to go down

Conan O'Brian

It's the "Ask Sadie Advice Hour." "Mad in Montauk," you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java .net Cybercafe. My husband and I are getting divorced, and it's gotten bitter and angry. The problem is, we have 43 mutual friends on Facebook, and he's being so unreasonable about which ones are rightly his. You're arguing over custody of your Facebook friends? What the @#$% is wrong with you people?! Obviously, they're all yours. Everyone knows it's usually the woman who created the friendships i

'Alan's claim to fame is that he was once a Jay Leno punch line.'

"Frankly, that sounds like the sort of thing a cat would say.."

Graham Norton

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What'll it mean if Trump ends up winning? Excellent question. It reminds me of questions very few people asked 80 years ago when Mussolini came to power in Italy. Other questions that went unasked back then: "Is sucking down smoke all day long bad for me?" "Is it a bad idea to buy radioactive beauty cream?" "Is cocaine really the best remedy for indigestion?!" People sure were dumb back then.

This is the Ask Sadie Show. We're back with a caller whose house burned down while he was being diagnosed with gout. There is a silver lining: at least you're not a muscle-bound oaf or his puny celebrity-obsessed sidekick. Both Randy Taylor and Rudy Park are world-class disappointments, so they shall remain nameless so as to spare their poor mothers the humiliation. Not cool, Sadie. Not cool. We're famous!

Akron, OH, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great great grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept plowing.

'Whoever said, 'There are no stupid questions,' never listened to talk radio.'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Joy Behar?'

Today's guest will discuss his narcissistic personality disorder. This relentless spotlight-hog drove everyone from his life! Click. Hey! He sounded interesting. How come you turned it off? I'm not giving him the attention. That's learn him!

I'm your ghost twitterer. It's a marketing vehicle for your radio show. You're stealing my identity because if you used your own, no one would follow your tweets! You've got 3,000 followers. They're living to read about your every movement. Beating on pause. Beating on pause.