Conscription Cynic T-Shirts

"...join the army... see the World, they said."

Government a la Carte

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

"Nihilistic customer service"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

The Forever Stamp

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Comments are turned off."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Personnel

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Sucking Up to Gen X

*2020

Born Cynical,,,,

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Information and Still don't get it.

"I married him for his intelligence, turns out that was artificial as well!"

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

'Here's an over-the-counter prescription for your nerves. Have your bartender fill it.'