Connoisseur Of The Arts Gifts

Discussing A Concert.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Louis Armstrong

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Archimedes statue with a lever

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Mendelssohn Finds His Inspiration

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Creation of Red Wine

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

The Death Of Venus

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

The Cremaster Cycle

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"Hey, would you mind taking a quick sculpture of me and my family?"

Truman Capote

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Sir Edward Elgar

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"See that? He's the kind of peasant I detest."