Artistic Connoisseur Gifts

He's the first Master Sculptor since the Renaissance also trained as a Mohel.

Masterpiece?

Louis Armstrong

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Birthday Cakes: From Around the World

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Creation of Red Wine

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

The Cremaster Cycle

The Death Of Venus

"He's an abstract artist."

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Truman Capote

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

"See that? He's the kind of peasant I detest."

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."