Artistic Connoisseur T-Shirts

He's the first Master Sculptor since the Renaissance also trained as a Mohel.

Masterpiece?

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Creation of Red Wine

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

"Hamlet. By William Shakespeare." Painting.

"He's an abstract artist."

The Death Of Venus

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

Cocktail glasses swimming in the sea.

The Cremaster Cycle

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"A pint for me and one for the woad!"

"See that? He's the kind of peasant I detest."

The Kali De Milo.

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."