Connected Joker Pillows

Addiction to mobile phones

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Fittd shēt

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Nope, not what livestream means, Bob."

Prisoner still life painting.

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

How do fish get to work?

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Jim's Smart Kettle

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

181 yeard old, huh? This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. And that beard! Ha! Nice try, Mr.... Uhh... 'Van Winkle.'

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

Anger Management Class: Gone berserk, back in one hour.

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"I want to travel somewhere REMOTE, somewhere unspoiled and untrammeled by hoards of rampaging tourists...but with good wi-fi!"

"Ha ha, I guess my photo on the dating site may have been a little misleading."