Congressperson Gifts

'Now, where were we?...'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"Politics is the art of nothing is possible."

'Next time, I say let's be proactive and vote ourselves a pay raise before the government shutdown.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

"You were filibustering in your sleep again."

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'

'Feel-good legislation just doesn't feel as good as it used to.'

'I'll be frank with you -- to adequately represent you in Congress, I have to be a crook.'

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"You have meddled with the primal forces of nature and you will atone!"

In Memory of Democrat and Republican Relations.

"I only want one thing for Christmas. Straighten out Congress."

"We've invented gridlock!"

"If a politician doesn't agree with another, one of them is wrong... if they do agree, one of them is wrong."

John Boehner

"Well, I was brave enough to hold a live town hall!"

"I ran into my newly elected representative and he said to fix things we'll all have to put up with a little pain. I kicked him in the shin."

Devin Nunes of California

"Some how's that Obamacare repeal thing working out for you..?"

Beware of the Legislation

"A reconciliation bill? -- I've been in Congress for 37 years, and I've never reconciled anything!"

"If your committee stops investigating me, my committee will stop investigating Rogers, and his committee will stop investigating you."

"It's unreasonable for our constituents to get all the benefits we get... Who would pay for it?"

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

"I love the public sector. Unlike the private sector, I don't have to sell anything - except my soul."

Congress can't do a great a job.

2018 Elections: "I'm thinking about not running for re-election."

Earthquake

"We can't even admit we work here."

"I must capture all cow flatulence to stop. . . Global warming!"

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"When my distinguished colleague refers to the will of the 'people,' does he mean his 'people,' or my 'people'?"

Trump Resistance

Gerrymandering