Congressional Member Gifts

Congressional subcommittee to investigate obscenity in primetime TV: 'I'll tell you what's obscene- network CEOs pay and bonuses!

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Hanson - committee of four.'

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

CONGRESS, 'It was a really tight race this time -- I had to use some of my campaign contributions for CAMPAIGNING!'

Beware of the Legislation

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

Plain English group.

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

Welcome to Washington, D.C.!