Congressman Gifts

"You know what I like about power? It's so damn empowering."

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

"You want both? C'mon - get serious - we can only afford one."

VOTE, 'Yes, I said '#$%!%', but it was taken out of context!'

'Is my face red! -- I had so many appointments with lobbyists last session, I forgot to VOTE for anything!'

"Politics is the art of nothing is possible."

'Now that we've agreed on the loopholes, should we start drafting the amendment?'

'So maybe it is feel-good legislation- What's wrong with feeling good?'

"I'm happy to answer your question as soon as you stop asking it."

'...But every once in a while...we manage to pass something!'

'Of course they argue about petty things and make stupid decisions. That's why I say Congress should be a TV reality show.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'If you loan me five bucks for lunch, I'll co-sponsor that $80 billion appropriation bill of yours.'

'Well, it's a first step...'

'How come everything I like is always unconstitutional?'

His integrity is beyond reproach. He really believes his lies.

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

Politician's mask

'More and more millions here, more billions there, more trillions everywhere...it all adds up!'

'Oh, he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, but he's still a turkey.'

'I saw my shadow this morning, so I guess we're in for six more weeks of government gridlock.'

'He's an inspiration to us all -- he evaded the draft, taxes, AND questions.'

"We've received many letters from your constituents urging you to stay right where you are."

"The only person whose body I should have authority over is my own. . .and every breeding age woman in the country."

'Recess is over now, Edward. If you want a longer recess you'll have to get elected to Congress.'

Sorting Papers Into One Of Two Baskets: 'Waffle' and 'Pander'

Davy Crockett - frontiersman and closet animal liberationist.

'Too old to be a rising star, too young to be one of a dying breed, but just the right age to be cantankerous obstructionist.'

You Lie!

'Hey, you don't have to fool all of the people all of the time — just 51 of the registered voters evry two years.'

'...And while everybody's celebrating the big tax cut, we'll sneak in a postage hike!'

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'

'We're your conscience. We're here to tell you which way to vote on the upcoming bill.'

'There's enough pork in this bill to get everyone on board. That why I call it ‘Buy-Partisan.''

"Of course we're doing something about inflation! We just voted ourselves a pay raise!"