Congressman Gifts

"You know what I like about power? It's so damn empowering."

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

'Is my face red! -- I had so many appointments with lobbyists last session, I forgot to VOTE for anything!'

VOTE, 'Yes, I said '#$%!%', but it was taken out of context!'

"You want both? C'mon - get serious - we can only afford one."

'So maybe it is feel-good legislation- What's wrong with feeling good?'

'Now that we've agreed on the loopholes, should we start drafting the amendment?'

"Politics is the art of nothing is possible."

'...But every once in a while...we manage to pass something!'

'If you loan me five bucks for lunch, I'll co-sponsor that $80 billion appropriation bill of yours.'

'Well, it's a first step...'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'Of course they argue about petty things and make stupid decisions. That's why I say Congress should be a TV reality show.'

"I'm happy to answer your question as soon as you stop asking it."

'More and more millions here, more billions there, more trillions everywhere...it all adds up!'

"Honestly, I hadn't intended to become a congressman, but it was the only job I qualified for in the prison's work-release program."

'Oh, he walks like a duck and talks like a duck, but he's still a turkey.'

Politician's mask

'I saw my shadow this morning, so I guess we're in for six more weeks of government gridlock.'

His integrity is beyond reproach. He really believes his lies.

'How come everything I like is always unconstitutional?'

'Yes, I broke that campaign promise, but it was never NOTARIZED!'

"We've received many letters from your constituents urging you to stay right where you are."

Tax Reform 'Our only hope is gridlock among the special interest groups.'

'He's a real innovator -- he was the first to accept bribes online.'

Maybe if I put some coffee on...

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'Recess is over now, Edward. If you want a longer recess you'll have to get elected to Congress.'

'Hey, you don't have to fool all of the people all of the time — just 51 of the registered voters evry two years.'

'He's an inspiration to us all -- he evaded the draft, taxes, AND questions.'

Sorting Papers Into One Of Two Baskets: 'Waffle' and 'Pander'

'We're your conscience. We're here to tell you which way to vote on the upcoming bill.'

'There's enough pork in this bill to get everyone on board. That why I call it ‘Buy-Partisan.''

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

"The press calls it 'congressional stalemate,' I call it my comfort zone."