Congressmen Gifts

'How does this work? I've recently retired from Congress and am not quite sure how to pay for things with my own money.'

"Any member of congress who votes because of special interests or for political reasons should be forced to resign..."

'Maybe congress will let us tickle them.'

Honesty Ratings...And the pig got up and slowly walked away.

'Who cares about some stupid sex scandal? -- Let's talk about global warming!'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Hanson - committee of four.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"What's your position on the Strait of Hormuz?"

Beware of the Legislation

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"