Congressional Representative Gifts

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I ran into my newly elected representative and he said to fix things, we'll all have to go through a little pain. I kicked him in the shin."

'The gridlock, the cursing, the threats... and that was my day in Congress before the commute home!'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

Imagining a Better World Isn't Really That Hard

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

Congratulations Strike Over!

"Instead of raising the minimum wage, we should lower it to $4.00 an hour and create more jobs. Plus, low wages would encourage car pooling."

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

Best Seller in Washington D.C.: Politics for dummies

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

U.S. Manufacturing - Good News & Bad News

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"