Congress Member Gifts

A clown in front of the US Capital juggling three balls: Economy, Health Care and War. A fourth ball, 'Everything Else,' is bouncing on the ground.

"I consider myself bipartisan-curious."

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

How the Government Shutdown Works. . .

"With all our planes, munitions and troops there, we should have the parade in Afghanistan."

"Get lost, slacker! This ain't no government soup kitchen!!"

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

'His idea of campaign finance reform is insisting on small bills.'

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

'Hanson - committee of four.'

The wind catches Congressman Blowviatt's jerkin.

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

"Hold everything! I just thought up a terrific loophole!"

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

After working out in the congressional gym, I feel like a lean, mean, legislating machine.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

"There's no need to go round the table - I know who I am."

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Beware of the Legislation

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

CONGRESS, 'It was a really tight race this time -- I had to use some of my campaign contributions for CAMPAIGNING!'