Congregation Regular Pillows

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

How's my sermon. . .

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'You're away, Doc!'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'Lost again. I hope you kept a diary of your trip.'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"I haven't seen you in church lately, Mr. Smedly..."

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"They're passing a plate? Great, I'm starved!"

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'

Noises from armpits.

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Mr. Crenshaw gave up Sunday golf to go to church.'

Oilfield worker eating fancy sundae from lunchbox.