Congregation Members Pillows

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You two seem oddly suited."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

How's my sermon. . .

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'We are gathered here...'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

Bud's Club...Where Buds, Bubs and Bros gather!

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Coventry Carol

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

Coffee morning

'There's always one who spoils it for everybody.'

Waiting for 2018

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'