Congregation Members Pillows

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"You two seem oddly suited."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

How's my sermon. . .

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'I'm calling this a plate and I already have service for six. Six more and I can invent the dinner party.'

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Minister Starts at a New Church

'We are gathered here...'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

Coventry Carol

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

Bud's Club...Where Buds, Bubs and Bros gather!

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"Fruit salad? Count me in!"

Waiting for 2018

'There's always one who spoils it for everybody.'

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

Coffee morning

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'