Modern Congregation Members Pillows

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Drive-thru Church

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

Midwest Winter Items.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Church Restoration Fund.

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

Nativity - The sitcom

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

Chruch member about preacher: 'Pastor Woodsley has old fashioned power point.'

Jesus swept.

'We finally nailed down where our congregation's priorities lie!'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

After finishing his 5 minute guitar riff, John realized the silence was due to his filling in on the traditional service worship team that particular Sunday morning.

TV and man

"Can we discuss this?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.