Congregation Regular Gifts

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

How's my sermon. . .

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'You're away, Doc!'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'Lost again. I hope you kept a diary of your trip.'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

"I haven't seen you in church lately, Mr. Smedly..."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"They're passing a plate? Great, I'm starved!"

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'

Crust is Risen! Pizza Nite

Noises from armpits.

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Mr. Crenshaw gave up Sunday golf to go to church.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

Oilfield worker eating fancy sundae from lunchbox.

'Same school, old boy, fancy a drink at the club?'