Congregation Connector Gifts

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

"My husband couldn't make it today, but I took notes on the sermon for him."

HR - Helping Relationships

The Big Tipper

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

How's my sermon. . .

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

Minister Starts at a New Church

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

'He's calling Running Bear on his mobile.'

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

American GI marries a British bride.

"Mum says can she borrow a cupful of jelly babies?"

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

The Original Information Superhighway

Heaven Has VIP

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

'We're looking for missionaries to cover the golf courses and shopping malls.'

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

church

Six feet and a smile

'Trust in God, but count your change.'