Congregation Connecters Gifts

"We missed you at church Sunday."

HR - Helping Relationships

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

The Big Tipper

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Minister Starts at a New Church

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

Harold was pleased to discover that his grandson was also a big tool fan.

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

"Mum says can she borrow a cupful of jelly babies?"

The Original Information Superhighway

Heaven Has VIP

'We're looking for missionaries to cover the golf courses and shopping malls.'

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

church

Six feet and a smile

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

Postman

'My little boy made the sign!'