Congregation Connecters Pillows

"We missed you at church Sunday."

HR - Helping Relationships

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

The Big Tipper

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Minister Starts at a New Church

"With Harry all options are on the table, including pointlessly looking for a job that doesn't exist for him anymore."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

"Actually, I don't know anybody here. I was just passing the house when I heard all the fun."

"Mum says can she borrow a cupful of jelly babies?"

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

The Original Information Superhighway

Heaven Has VIP

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

Six feet and a smile

church

"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."

'We're looking for missionaries to cover the golf courses and shopping malls.'

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

'You'll love the congregation. We're chock-full of sermon material.'

"It's true we like our members to be regular givers, but irregular givers are certainly welcome."

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

Postman