Confusion Navigator Gifts

'Ghah. They've moved everything round again.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

Department of Nanotechnology

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

Nethead strip: Speak binary

"These insurance papers you gave us are for an '86 Buick."

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"They say you shouldn't go to bed angry, so let's have it out right now before we go to sleep!"

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Has our apologist been alerted?"

The Math Institute √π*962.9 KM

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

Man at door of Think Tank sees signs Closed Now a Thought Tank.

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

A Higgs Bosun

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

'Surely somebody must know why we're here?'

Joke traffic signs.

"You'll get a lot of head injuries but, on the plus side, you won't remember any of them."

'Life, like lunch, is full of difficult choices.'

'My date last night was a 10. Of course, I'm using the binary system.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."

"I know all about the birds and bees, but what's all this about 'erectile dysfunction?'"