Confusion Clarifier Gifts

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Any questions?"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasel spray instead of super-glue!'

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'Wrong number. Sorry, I dialled my salary by mistake.'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"Why won’t you just admit you forgot where you parked the car?"

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

'Surely somebody must know why we're here?'

Joke traffic signs.

"I'm just saying, isn't it a bit early to be 'the present moment'?"

'Ghah. They've moved everything round again.'

"What you're experiencing is a 'Laying Claim to Your Own Life' moment of clarity. Don't be alarmed. The condition is usually temporary. Just ignore it, and in a day or so, you'll be back to your mindless, numb and robotically conforming self again!"

'I have no idea what you are saying.'

Exit next left. No, my left.

"Well, looks like it's time for eyeglasses."

Jake's Joke Shop. Use Next Door. Use Next Door.

"Hi, Honey, I think I'm home."

"We can still be friends, right?"

'Your hindsight is no longer 20/20.'

Not an Entrance/Not An Exit