Conference Call Critics Gifts

"I miss expense accounts."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"Go ahead—unmute yourself."

'And in conclusion.'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

Communication Breakdowns

Office worker on desert island on cell phone: 'No, I haven't seen the minutes.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

The facilitator from hell.

'Nobody?! Well, since we're all stuck in traffic, we may as well do this by conference call.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'I'll keep my remarks brief.'

Welcome. National Association of People Padding their Resumes with National Associations. And I think you'll agree, our pointless seminars have some really great titles this year!

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

"When I said tart up the presentation, I meant the slides..."

'Then it's agreed - we all keep our arms raised until someone blinks.'

'I'm still in conference, Miss Alsted.'

Working from Home

"Heredity and environment play a role but what really shapes who you are is tax policy."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"Larry, can you take over the meeting for a minute? My doctor is insisting I take a few deep breaths."

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

Isolated fits of enthusiasm erupt at the annual I don't know I just work here convention.

"A meeting? You bet I would!"

'To sum up, today's business world can be divided into 2 categories: companies that get it, and companies that don't!' 'Get what?' 'Make that 3 categories.'