Concert Commentator Gifts

Focus Groupies

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

Sports Radio in Crisis

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Sir Patrick Moore.

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

And now, for a rebuttal.

Pundits

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

A musician bowing a tiny guitar

"This is gonna be great!"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?