Conception Gifts

'I know I act crazy sometimes, but it's not my fault. I was conceived during March Madness.'

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Bond James, Bond."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

My First Camera

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Baby Piano

The cell phone soother for life.

The Map of the human brain

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'