Computer Trouble Gifts

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Where was I?

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

Kevin had a computer virus.

"I think we could work very well together."

'The staff are healthy enough, it's the computers that keep getting a virus!'

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

He'll be fine after you reboot him, I've replaced his memory stick.

Wha about trying another antivirus?

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"I hope that wish list you just sent to Santa wasn't too big." "Our server just crashed!"

"Turn down the bass."

Go on! Pick a card.

Our Computer is Up/Down.

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

Computer Frustration

"She's also the only one who knows how to unjam the copy machine."

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'We need a memory upgrade ourselves to remember all these passwords.'

'The computer's down again.'

'It's one of those viruses that corrupt every damn thing.'

"Yes, tech support? My laptop was really slow, so I shot it – what should I do now?"

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."