Computer Crash Gifts

Hard drive crashed - please help.

Computer Room.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

I.T. Fear

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

Clickbait

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

Modern Calamities. Farmer in the Dell. Do something Maw

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'Miss Baxter, bring me another computer.'

"What a disappointment. When you said your dad was a troll, I thought he'd be living under a bridge."

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Mom's always telling me to look both ways, don't talk to strangers, and change my passwords.'

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

''Open Sesame' would make a great password, wouldn't it?'

"My mom the security expert never trusted me. She'd never tell me her maiden name."

'To sped up our sandbox compliance issues I've called in a couple of sandbox experts.'

"Nah, it can't just be that the plug's out. That would be too simple and inexpensive."

"Hello... is that the help desk?"

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

Dept. of cyber friendship.

Whistler's Motherboard

"I couldn't afford an antivirus, so I installed a sneeze guard instead."

'Try rebooting.'

"But if you don't learn your letters and numbers, how do you ever expect to come up with a strong password?"

When computers are attacked by Spam.

'It doesn't work...'

'I would have called you sooner, but I had no idea you handled ransomware attacks!'

"There's nothing wrong with your computer, I think it's all in your head."

State of the art computing purchases become obsolete in the time it takes to purchase it.

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

Computer technicians with too little training.