Computer Troubleshooting Gifts

'I called the 24-hour Teacher Tech Support Helpline but they were closed. Apparently they are open 24 hours but not in a row.'

'I blame the network.'

"How the heck do I know what the password is? That's just a line of flippin' dots!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Where was I?

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

Kevin had a computer virus.

"I think we could work very well together."

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

Wha about trying another antivirus?

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"Turn down the bass."

'Take my advice, and never look in the back of your computer.'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Go on! Pick a card.

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

"She's also the only one who knows how to unjam the copy machine."

'We need a memory upgrade ourselves to remember all these passwords.'

"Yes, tech support? My laptop was really slow, so I shot it – what should I do now?"

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'The computer's down again.'

Computer Frustration

'It's one of those viruses that corrupt every damn thing.'

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

Cut out and keep your own IT expert.

"Nah, it can't just be that the plug's out. That would be too simple and inexpensive."