Computer Troubleshooting Gifts

'I called the 24-hour Teacher Tech Support Helpline but they were closed. Apparently they are open 24 hours but not in a row.'

'I blame the network.'

"How the heck do I know what the password is? That's just a line of flippin' dots!"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Where was I?

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Kevin had a computer virus.

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"I think we could work very well together."

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

'I want to buy a self help eBook. Can you help me to download it to my eBook reader?'

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Wha about trying another antivirus?

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

Go on! Pick a card.

"Turn down the bass."

'Take my advice, and never look in the back of your computer.'

"As a last resort Tom's trying a mind-meld!"

Computer Frustration

'The computer's down again.'

'It's one of those viruses that corrupt every damn thing.'

'We need a memory upgrade ourselves to remember all these passwords.'

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Cut out and keep your own IT expert.

"Yes, tech support? My laptop was really slow, so I shot it – what should I do now?"

"She's also the only one who knows how to unjam the copy machine."

"Nah, it can't just be that the plug's out. That would be too simple and inexpensive."