Computer Troubleshooter Gifts

How to beat a computer

"In my day, we didn't come home from school early because the computers were down."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Tossing computer into canyon.

Computer Expert

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

Torn-Off Mouse.

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

'I think the mouse is playing-up again love.'

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'Do you have 4G up here?'

Fixing the TV.

Recalculating

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I think retrieving the info from that harddrive might be a little tricky."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Tech support...can I help you!

"That didn't work either! I'm telling you, this is one AGGRESSIVE virus!"