Computer Tech Gifts

'Other than the hatchet I don't know what could be wrong with it.'

"These endless software updates are killing your joie de vivre."

'Don't fret - just chalk it up to human error.'

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"Well, enough of the coy sexual byplay Bobby. I've got to dive back into the data stream."

"Have you tried buying a new one?"

'One day our computers went down, and we didn't pick them up.'

"Don't know the answer? Do what I do...speak in a foreign accent until the customer hangs up."

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

'Maybe the idea of a computer tech school football team wasn't such a good idea.'

'It must be you, the computer is actually very user friendly.'

'You have the spell-check set to pig latin.'

'Are we online or not?'

"Why are you dressed like that if you don't know anything about computers?"

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

The Computer Bore

Jack of all trades

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Evolution.

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"It seems as if the people taking my software class are getting younger and younger."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Early cyborg.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

The Not-So Smart Meter

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"