Computer Engineer Gifts

'...So I figured with all of this free cooling why not install a data center?'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'I'm looking for software that will allow me to print my own money.'

"I'm in way over my head"

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

"Have you tried turning it off and throwing it out the window?"

Driver sees computer grid replacing landscape ahead. Road sign reads: 'Computer Simulation Next 2 Miles.'

'Once you get over your fear of the mouse, this thing is really neat.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"Memory? It has too much memory. Still holds a grudge."

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

'Don't open that attachment!'

"We pride ourselves on being a technologically aware company. Our Mr. Jenks here, is an absolute whizz with an abacus."

Evolution of the Troll.

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

Devil to computer salesman: 'Does it come with firewire'

'£80,000 is a bit steep. Have you got one with a lower IQ?'

"That's just to impress the punters, this is the real McCoy."

Descendant of Galileo disproving the theory that computers double in speed every twelve months.

E-Waist: An expanding of the waistline due to prolonged periods sitting in front of a computer monitor.

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

'Good news, your server is still up!'

'Back in the industrial age, this was, I believe, a steel mill.'

'If to err is human, how do you explain this mess?'

"Now, before we go, does anyone have to empty their cache?"

'Did you try rebooting?'

The guy who took a wrong turn off the electronic superhighway and wound up in a microwave oven in Davenport, Iowa.

Great Moments in Chess

Hardware and software

Before the development of the microchip, attempts to build a laptop computer were largely unsuccessful.

"He's not much of a hunter, but he's great with computers."

Computers can beat humans at chess but they still have a ways to go with mixed martial arts.

'Irwin is computer savvy, but his virtual persona is even more boring than his real persona.'

Early Tech Support