Compost Connoisseur Gifts

'So, did you use compost or chemical fertilizers?'

Gone to seed.

Deodorant for Compost.

Making compost.

Giovanni Innes, Numero Uno Peat

Manure as Fertilizer and other Tales of Derring-Doo.

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

Bird nesting in the garden.

'I just love eating organic food.'

The stuff of Legend.

"I can't tell the difference between him and the compost heap."

'It's cool that you found a hobby, but I have to say that bag is really freaking' me out.'

'We'll have a job finding another gardener as dedicated as old Tom.'

"Mulch madness"

Gardener's Calendar: January - Look for some out-of-the-way corner and start your compost heap.

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

Dad's got composters on sale at the nursery. SO? So the "Vertical E-Z Spinning Genie" is only $142. I've got a better one already. Where? It's my "put it in a like and let it rot horizontal wonder." And

You know the tomatoes mom gave us? You mean � Those weird and rare varieties she grows? Yeah. Where are they? They got pushed behind the peanut butter, ketchup and aging hot dogs. Now they really are heirloom tomatoes. We can bequeath them to the compost pile.

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

Food waste with recycling symbol

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

Sister to brother: 'It's kind of like alphabet soup, only for numbers crunchers.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Cereal Tasting.

"Yes dear, you have worked very hard on the garden. Unfortunately though, you've put the compost on the weeds and the weed killer on my best roses."

'Make it a microbrew, Jake! I've gone organic!'

'Worms? Have you tried Snyder's mulch pile?'

"Can you keep a secret?"

Flower growing on a compost heap.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

"Summer's here. Do you want to start talking incessantly about tomatoes or corn?"

The Mafia Goes Green.