Competitive Parents Gifts

'You may have had a bigger bouncy castle at your party, Chloe, but did you parents lay on a display by the Red Arrows?'

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

Yummy Mummies

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Am I through to the next round?"

"It's a GPS for busy executive mom. It tells you if your coming or going and when you'll get there!"

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

Baby Footballer

The relay race

'We need a dog!'

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'When I want to watch a realistic comedy about a working mom, I'll look in the mirror.'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"When I said, 'Give him a chance-best two out of three,' I was talking to the dog."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"They've been playing Big Brother again"

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"Amazing how having a six month old baby can motivate you to stay at the office for 16 hours a day!"

Be A Doctor