Competitive Co-parent Gifts

The relay race

Yummy Mummies

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Am I through to the next round?"

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"When I said, 'Give him a chance-best two out of three,' I was talking to the dog."

"They've been playing Big Brother again"

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

"Do I read better than Mommy?"

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

'Ask your other father.'

'Jimmy takes these Easter Egg hunts very seriously.'

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Dads.

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

"Mark is my partner in quality parenting."

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'

"My kid form my first marriage? I thought he was YOUR kid from your first marriage."

"Zach is in the gifted-and-talented-and-you're-not class."

"Hi, Honey—what achievements today?"

'I sometimes feel I'm living vicariously through my parents.'