Co-parenting Gifts

"Cassandra and I are splitting up, Ted, and we'd like you and Amy to have the kids."

"Can't you see? He needs both of us!"

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

The relay race

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

Sweets

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

"Sorry to break it to you like this, son, but you're not adopted."

Just a month into their divorce, Joyce began to sense that she and Ron were subtly competing for their kids' affection.

'Ask your other father.'

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

'It must have belonged to Mom before she married Dad. He calls it his step-ladder.'

'Shall we have a small family Alfred? - I've got 10 kids from my first marriage!'

"Daddy, would you text me a bedtime story?"

"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."

'My twins already want separate wombs!'