Co-parenting Pillows

"Cassandra and I are splitting up, Ted, and we'd like you and Amy to have the kids."

"Can't you see? He needs both of us!"

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

The relay race

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

Sweets

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

'Ask your other father.'

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

'Shall we have a small family Alfred? - I've got 10 kids from my first marriage!'

'It must have belonged to Mom before she married Dad. He calls it his step-ladder.'

"My kid form my first marriage? I thought he was YOUR kid from your first marriage."

"Daddy, would you text me a bedtime story?"

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'

'My twins already want separate wombs!'

"Good evening. I am Martha's son by a previous marriage."

"Mark is my partner in quality parenting."