Co-parenting Duo Pillows

'Ask your other father.'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

The relay race

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Meals on Heels.

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

"Can Mommy borrow your baby-blue pinafore tonight, sweetie?"

Just a month into their divorce, Joyce began to sense that she and Ron were subtly competing for their kids' affection.

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

"I told you not to have that boob job."

"You can be whatever you want to be, but you'll probably turn out like me."

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

Kangaroos: 'How are the twins? 'They keep me hoppin'!'

"Mark is my partner in quality parenting."

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'