Co-parenting Duo Pillows

'Ask your other father.'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"Papi, will you play build-a-model-rocket-so-we-can-calculate-acceleration-rates-and-thrust-levels-for-maximum-payload with me? Please?!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

The relay race

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Meals on Heels.

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

"Can Mommy borrow your baby-blue pinafore tonight, sweetie?"

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"I told you not to have that boob job."

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

"You can be whatever you want to be, but you'll probably turn out like me."

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

Kangaroos: 'How are the twins? 'They keep me hoppin'!'

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

"Mark is my partner in quality parenting."

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

"Daddy, would you text me a bedtime story?"

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'