Coparenting Pillows

"My kid form my first marriage? I thought he was YOUR kid from your first marriage."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Constructing your own prison!

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

Mom's Diner - Thanks for not talking about your father.

The relay race

'Forget the wheel. Invent diapers.'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

"You shouldn't have!"

"Mommy, can I help you feed the troll?"

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

'Ask your other father.'

'Stop nagging! I'm fathering.'

Kangaroo with multiple pockets for lots of children...

"These are payments for babysitters, but it's more exciting to pretend I'm a drug dealer."

"Shall we go talk with those au pairs?"

"Mommy want you to have everything she had when she was growing up."

Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced...

'Mark, I think we need to discuss the nature of our relationship.'

'I have custody of him on the weekends.'

'My father and mother never argue. My father doesn't live here.'

"Mark is my partner in quality parenting."

"My Dad helped with my homework so don't blame me."

Dining Out.

'Arnold is a little nervous about meeting you, dad.'

"My child's school is having an auction, so can your entire life come to a halt?"

'I have to take the kids to soccer. You'll have to take the doormat to work.'

"Cassandra and I are splitting up, Ted, and we'd like you and Amy to have the kids."

'Can you look after the kids tonight?'

"My little Johnny stays with his dad at weekends."

"What's the password to access dad?"

'Don't just stand there. Go buy a winning lottery ticket.'

"Can't you see? He needs both of us!"