Competitive Decorators Gifts

'...My tree! - No my tree!!'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Face Painting.

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"My pillow mania got out of control so I'm limiting myself to just one at a time."

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Quick, press control Z!'

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

Redecorating Easter Island.

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Pollock Painting Company

"Love your feng shui!"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

Curtains haberdashery

Early cave painters

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

Pea green

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'