Compensation Critic Pillows

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

"I don't want severance pay but I'm growing tired of sufferance pay."

Boss in Office: 'We've had to recalibrate the bonus system - you now owe us five years worth of luncheon vouchers.'

'The problem is - I do get paid enough to take this aggravation.'

Judge Roy Pearson's price for missing pants: $54M.

Boardroom salaries

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of an organization advocating the overthrow of the generous executive bonus system in corporations?

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

'It's a treasure map.'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"Perfect! Since our company's motto is 'transparency,' make the contract's fine print light gray against white."

"You misread the terms of your employment. Your probation period is 6 years, not 6 months."

'Just because I'm Overpaid doesn't mean You're Underpaid.'

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

"We will create 12,000 new jobs...but we only need 4,000 new employees because on these salaries they'll need three jobs each to make a living!"

BP Greed Credentials - huge profits and cuts to environmental promises.

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

I dread to think what he would have got had they made a profit.

"And despite recent insinuations, this loan contract being signed by my client is perfectly legitimate."

'Hang on!...You don't expect me to swallow that as well!'

"Never forget...if you bend a law enough, it becomes a loophole!"

"There are 45,000 people at the stadium but only 500 of them bought tickets...the other ones are security guards for our 250 million euro player!"

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'I reject the terms of the contract!'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

'If this is a democracy, how come voters don't get matching funds?'

'And best of all - no hidden clauses!'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"Of course under the new contract 24 hour cover will be optional, you could also opt to do 36 or 48 hours a day!"