Compassionate Chef Gifts

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

The Origins of Everything

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

The ecumenical dinner party.

Really? You're hiring me back to replace the robot you just replaced me with? I've had a change of heart, minion. It may be cheaper to automate my café. But it dawned on me that robots don't buy very many drinks. Plus, as much as I try to let the bottom line guide me, I am, deep down, a very compassionate man. I couldn't bear the thought of you being poor and miserable. Maybe he's not such a bad man. Plus, one accidental incineration of a customer and the authorities get all weird about it.

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Namasteak"

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"For the next Christmas party pot luck, let's skip the finger foods."

"Omigod! It's the breakfast I made him for his birthday!"

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Commie Chef.

"Not the Verity Brewster? The Verity Brewster who invented sweet-potato casserole with marshmallows on top?"

"Don't - they'll just spend it on drugs."

Help - "What's in it for me?"

Africa

"We'll be using a pig's kidney in the transplant....Suit yourself, we'll try a turnip, good luck with that!"

Give To Tsunami's Victims.

"I'm worried that not everyone knows I'm a vegan!"

'Sue, the poltergeist has made us another cake.'

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"We give thanks for plant-based meals that spare some of us. . . and those humans who choose these."

"Thank you sir. Here is your receipt."

Vegetarian Society "In the wake of all these health scares we've changed our message somewhat."

Funny how everyone you meet up here claims they were vegetarian.

Food Banks - The Need/The Donation.

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

"I'd like it rare...no...WELL DONE, good and faithful servant!"

"We're having chicken Cuca for dinner tonight!"

'Please, give me any book.'

'We wanted to show a much more caring and sharing, less profit driven side of the corporation...'

Paradigms: Gravity - Evolution by natural selection - A watched autoclave never boils.

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